Money money money…

My life has always been a bit of a financial roller coaster. For many many years I have had this kind of love/hate relationship with money. Sometimes I had lots of money. I mean LOTS. But most of the time I had next to none. There have been too many times in my life where I had to count the coins. Where I had to struggle to get by. Where I couldn’t even spend money on the things I needed, let alone the things I wanted. Sometimes I would joke about it and sometimes I would think of it as an exciting challenge, but most times it was just plain depressing.

I was brought up in a middle class family. My mum was a feminist, but it was still my dad who was the bread winner. My mum was an artist. So all of that messed up my brain pretty badly at an early age – I shouldn’t be financially dependent on a man and I shouldn’t be an artist as my mum (that was her privilege and you can’t make a living being an artist), so I had to go into the school system like my dad and earn my living as a teacher. Don’t get me wrong – I love love love teaching, but I am an artist and I suffered for so many years because I couldn’t see how I could be an artist and still make a living. I couldn’t see how I could support myself outside the school system. That was my safe box.

When I was a child I couldn’t spend any money at all. I just kept them in a tiny cupboard from one year to another, adding to them every birthday. When I was in my teenage years I started spending and couldn’t stop. So I would spend all the money that came in, regardless of how much it was. Later on I was to find out that it actually was dangerous for me to keep money…

6 years ago I had had enough and resigned. I had been working as a healer on the side, but got more and more frustrated about dividing my time between being a teacher and being my own boss. So I wanted to test the water and do healing work full time. I sold my house and got lots of money for it – even the estate agent was surprised at how much I got. I was slightly disappointed ‘cause I had been trying to manifest an even higher price, but it was good enough. This was just before the crisis hit the economy in 2008. So I made a lot of money selling and I made a bargain buying…

I was tired of living in the city, and had been for a long time. My son was leaving home, so this was the perfect time for me to leave my home as well. The hunt for a new place to live had started. First I thought I would go to France, but after a while I realized how much I appreciated Sweden, and decided to move to the southern part of my country instead. I lost count of how many houses I looked at and there was always something wrong with them. They were either moldy, spooky or plain ugly.

Eventually I started to get quite stressed about not knowing where I would live and the day when I would have to leave my house was getting closer. One morning when I was going to drive the long way to look at some more houses (about 300km/200miles one way) I said out loud in a bit of despair “Show me where to live!!!”.

That day circumstances made me look at the house ads in a shop window in a small village where I had never been in my life. And there it was. My house. I just knew it. Five days later I signed the contract and the house was mine.

Within a week or so from moving into that house clients started to book appointments. Soon I had a viable business in a place I had never been before and where I didn’t know a single soul. I was all alone and very happy. And I was so so grateful not having to work in a school anymore. But things were about to change once more…

I went to my mum’s 70th birthday party, and on the way home there was nowhere to sit on the train. Eventually I found the only seat available on the whole train and I sat down next to the man I was going to marry 9 months later.

There was a lot of shame around money when I grew up. My parents were socialists and being selfish was the worst mortal sin of all. I think that contributed to what happened next.

I had finally met someone who actually had a proper salary – my previous husband and boyfriends had all earned less than I did – so I started to relax. It was such an amazing feeling to be supported. And to be with someone who contributed. I think I got too comfortable and too uncomfortable at the same time. I think I got too comfortable with not having to push and I got too uncomfortable with all that money I got for the house. And it was too good to be happy AND have money. Within a year I had manifested a massive tax debt that was very hard to deal with and things got less romantic… I had to go back to teaching. We had to move. And we bought a house that needed an enormous amount of renovating…

Needless to say I lost all my clients. And I lost my confidence. What was I doing wrong??? So I started to take a lot of courses on money mindset and I cleared and healed a ton of money programs that were lurking in my subconscious…

“I have to be poor to be loyal to my parents. If I have a lot of money I will be killed. If I am rich I will be ostracized. I hate money. Money is dangerous for me. I have to spend all my money. It’s dangerous for me to save money. It’s impossible for me to have money and love at the same time. Money scares me. Money is bad. Money is evil. Rich people are evil. I have to be loyal to the poor. I am paying off a debt from a previous lifetime. I have made a vow never to make any money. I am afraid to shine. I am afraid of success…” on and on it went… I had thousands of money blocks and they were all in charge of my life! But at least I knew how to remove them – what I needed to do was check that I had them through muscle testing and then release them with theta healing. But it was a major job ‘cause they were so many! I also did a lot of tapping, Soul Art and other things as well, like hiring different coaches from time to time. It all made a difference. But it was hard work.

2012 was a really bad year for me. 8 years after I started my healing business I made very little money and I was seriously questioning what I was doing. But in 2013 things started to clear up. I increased my revenue with 900%!!! More and more people started booking again and I also did some singing and became a choir master for some time, which added to my income streams, and I became a certified Soul Art Guide. I started creating e-programs, and my business went from locally based to international. Today I have very few clients in Sweden, but I have participants in my creative program from all over the world. Still not as many as I would like to, but the ones I have are all a perfect match. And I focus less and less on healing people’s illnesses and more and more on guiding people to more self-confidence and self-esteem, and seeing their own inner beauty and ability to express things that they are proud of. It is so much fun. It fills my heart with absolute joy.

Because I had to struggle so much with money myself, I made an e-program about that as well. It’s an 8 week long journey (in 2019 it will be a year-long program for the first time!) through the financial legacy, the subconscious programming, through pricing products and services in a proper way (not just on a hunch), and most of all it’s a journey about taking yourself seriously. There is only one of you. But if you shy away from the money talk and let your money blocks stand in your way, your potential clients won’t book you and you will miss out AND THEY WILL MISS OUT!!! It’s our obligation to make ourselves available to the people who need us. Breaking free from the money blocks is a way of doing that.