When we grow up in a family where we don’t experience unconditional love, chanses are that we feel we have to achieve/perform/do something to get the attention we need.
That creates a confusion around love, and we start thinking that attention is love. We become hooked on DOING, because it’s not enough to just BE. We learn that we’re not loved for who we are – we’re loved for what we do.
This is the real reason why people get burnt out later in life – we get so addicted to DOING, that we completely forget to take time off to BE. We do more and more, because like with any other addiction, we get used to the drug and need more to get the same effect.
This is also how you become a perfectionist – when our focus is on attention from the other person, we get afraid to make mistakes, because then we might not get the attention we want (we might even get negative attention). And when we have made the other person more important than ourselves, their opinion has the power to destroy us. This is how we get disempowered.
So what’s the treatment? Awareness is always the first step. When we have become aware, we can start seeing our behavior and think about ways to change it.
Spending time on your own is another important step. Meditation, time in nature, time with your hobby… Start choosing to do things because you enjoy it, and not because someone will compliment you for it.
Focusing on the process more than the outcome. Working on loving yourself more each day. Telling yourself “I love you!” every time you see yourself in the mirror.
Choose to engage in activities that are loving to you. Weed out friends that bring you down. Stop following the news. Focus on things that make you feel good.
If you’re eager to change this sooner rather than later – reach out to me in an email (firstname.lastname@example.org) and we’ll set up a Zoom chat about how you can work with me!
And as always – I want to know what you think! I can’t wait to read your comments on this blog post!